Dear Diary 7/31/01: Woe is me. Boys are poo.

On this day nine years ago...

 

The following is a diary excerpt regarding Ryan, an itty bitty crush and Adam, the first boy I truly loved (as opposed to all the crushes that came before him with whom I thought I was in love).  Nearly a decade letter, I can recognize the feelings I had for Adam as the real deal.  The below entry was written about half-way through this bout of unrequited love.  

Dear Diary,
Wow, so much has happened since I last wrote!  Where to start?  Well, I found out Ryan wasn't on a date when I saw him at the movies.  Way to go jumping to conclusions!  Anyway, on the last day of school I gave Ryan my phone number and screen name.  He never called, but he did IM me and we've been talking online a while now.  Tonight I asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime and he said no because he's kinda seeing someone, but maybe some other time.  He was so nice and told me he'd talk to me tomorrow.  Am I sad?  I don't know; kinda.  It sounded kinda like I'm his choice B and that's just fine cuz he's my choice B, too.  I still have faith Adam will come around.  I still talk to Adam online several times a week and I actually get to see him on Sunday!  I am so excited cuz I have not seen him for 4 months!  I have a list of 40 things I love about him.  40!!!  The only thing which bothers me about him is he talks about himself a lot.  However, that could just be because he knows how interested I am in his life... or maybe that's just what I want to believe.  Ryan actually showed interest in what was going on in my life, which was something that drew me to him.  I really want to ask Adam if I'll ever have a chance with him, but I don't want to mess up our friendship. Of course, there's always the chance it could get better!  Plus, the last time I asked him out, things were completely normal; not weird at all.  I just don't want to count on that happening again, only to be disappointed.  Oh, I am so confused!  Adam is the only guy I can remember having made me cry, and it wasn't cuz he'd hurt my feelings, but because I was so sad to leave him.  He is just such a great guy!  I haven't seen him for four months and the yearning for him remains.  Woe is me.  Boys are Poo.