I'm not ashamed to admit I've given several online dating sites a go. And while I'm still on the prowl, I can't say that they've been altogether negative experiences. eHarmony got me laid, ActForLove got me a best friend and OkCupid found me a boyfriend... at least for a few months. OkCupid has also, however, been the source of many hilarious introductory emails from wannabe woo-ers. The following are excerpts from emails I received on the site. Gentlemen, these are not good ways to grab a lady's attention:
You are pretty- but you look high maintenance.
(Wow, I wonder what lucky lady that guy found!)
you're a phillies fan i hate u already lol. Something tells me that you're probably getting about 50 emails from loser guys.
(Immediately telling a girl you hate her is probably not a good method of seduction, loser guy.)
ur quite yum. well done.
(...thank you?)
you seem great but... I'm a gun toting NRA member. If I need to be predominately left wing/liberal, this isn't going to happen.
(You're right; this isn't going to happen.)
what a lovely sight you are to stumble upon. you have a fantastic smile and great neckline. thanks for sharing
(...for sharing my neckline? You're quite welcome.)
you look lucious.. very attractive sweet. Im loving your smile.. all in all very sex.. its a pleasure seeing your site.
(Lucious? Very sex? I think I'm supposed to feel flattered. Well, okay, I do enjoy the smile compliment.)
hi myself from India and i do my work as a painter (art work). 33 year old not a rich and much educated but i think god made must a girl there for me for my life so i am seeking a honest girl to marry but i know it is not fair to contact u like this but i have no any way to contact u and have lot of time to time pass so i just want to come on the main point to be here .but i think u would take it like a fun ,i am serious and i am seeking a life partner since 5 years but i think no body want to like me.but i am doing my best .but i need a long term relationship not time pass and flirt. after get this message please don't feel urself cheaper ,i know u deserve a great one in u r life but i need also a great one ,ha ha ha ha so don't be mad at me. i am introducing my self like this message so if u r not interested then just erase this message and forgive me for wasting u r time. god bless u for ever and may give u all that u want to get in u r life.
(I'm fairly certain this guy just proposed to me. My favorite line is: "but i think u would take it like a fun ,i am serious and i am seeking a life partner since 5 years but i think no body want to like me." I actually feel really sad for him in that way one might feel sad for a lost puppy... but not sad enough to accept his marriage proposal.)
You are pretty- but you look high maintenance.
(Wow, I wonder what lucky lady that guy found!)
you're a phillies fan i hate u already lol. Something tells me that you're probably getting about 50 emails from loser guys.
(Immediately telling a girl you hate her is probably not a good method of seduction, loser guy.)
ur quite yum. well done.
(...thank you?)
you seem great but... I'm a gun toting NRA member. If I need to be predominately left wing/liberal, this isn't going to happen.
(You're right; this isn't going to happen.)
what a lovely sight you are to stumble upon. you have a fantastic smile and great neckline. thanks for sharing
(...for sharing my neckline? You're quite welcome.)
you look lucious.. very attractive sweet. Im loving your smile.. all in all very sex.. its a pleasure seeing your site.
(Lucious? Very sex? I think I'm supposed to feel flattered. Well, okay, I do enjoy the smile compliment.)
hi myself from India and i do my work as a painter (art work). 33 year old not a rich and much educated but i think god made must a girl there for me for my life so i am seeking a honest girl to marry but i know it is not fair to contact u like this but i have no any way to contact u and have lot of time to time pass so i just want to come on the main point to be here .but i think u would take it like a fun ,i am serious and i am seeking a life partner since 5 years but i think no body want to like me.but i am doing my best .but i need a long term relationship not time pass and flirt. after get this message please don't feel urself cheaper ,i know u deserve a great one in u r life but i need also a great one ,ha ha ha ha so don't be mad at me. i am introducing my self like this message so if u r not interested then just erase this message and forgive me for wasting u r time. god bless u for ever and may give u all that u want to get in u r life.
(I'm fairly certain this guy just proposed to me. My favorite line is: "but i think u would take it like a fun ,i am serious and i am seeking a life partner since 5 years but i think no body want to like me." I actually feel really sad for him in that way one might feel sad for a lost puppy... but not sad enough to accept his marriage proposal.)
This is what I found this morning:
ReplyDeletewell, I guess anybody in the 90th percentile has got to be pretty damn cool, and judging from your profile, you seem pretty damn cool. except, how do you keep so thin when you eat so much cheese!?
WHO SAID I EAT CHEESE!
I just discovered this blog and am LOVING it. Here's a recent message I got:
ReplyDeleteI'm not good at writing emails to strangers but bear with me.
There was something about your profile that caught my attention, I'm not sure what it was but I'd like to find out. Something tells me that you might be more than just a pretty face.
I'm willing to bet you a donut that you're getting about 500 emails a day from 75 year old married men offering to be your sugar daddy...
If that's the case then this email should be "really" refreshing for you.
I'm not the one to talk about myself, but I'll say this: I'm 24, tall, attractive and really funny, so be ready.
Worst case? You might make a cool friend, so lets get together for a drink/coffee sometime...
Essa
Hahahaha this is funny "you look lucious.. very attractive sweet. Im loving your smile.. all in all very sex.. its a pleasure seeing your site. (Lucious? Very sex? I think I'm supposed to feel flattered. Well, okay, I do enjoy the smile compliment.)" sounds like a guy from united arab emirates!
ReplyDelete