OkCupid Hall of Shame: Part 2

I am leaving for vacation tomorrow morning and will be blissfully off the grid for the next week, but since I am told people are actually reading this, I couldn't leave without providing some serious insight for you to reflect on in the week ahead.  And so, since I apparently have not learned my lesson and still believe men of quality and substance use the internet to meet women of quality and substance, here are some OkCupid messages I have received since my last OkCupid post.  Ladies, these men are out there and they want you to love them.  Watch out.

When eating french fries as part of my meal, I can sometimes be seen picking up french fries that are similar in length to maintain my image as an equal opportunity ketchup consumer. Why should a short fry miss out on the ketchup just because it was picked up with a longer spud? Although, I can also be seen with french fries on my plate and no ketchup whatsoever.
(I love french fries more than most things in life, but do you really have to devote that much time to french fry reflection?  However, in this guy's defense, I would like to commend his spelling and grammar.)


You seem like my cup of tea, so let's get this private party started, okay?
(Okay!  Earl Gray with two lumps, please).


I am honestly looking for a long term relationship but you cant say your not open to short term relationship b.c what are long term before they are long term you know what i mean?
(I never said I was opposed to a short-term relationship, but now that you mention it...)


I hope you a nice person to talk to and get to know and not the other way… lol.  I hope we can soon or later sit and talk and have a normal conversation, laugh, and smile and have fun.
(What other way?  You think maybe I is not a nice person to sit and talk to?)

i know how to cook things lololol you seem pretty cool so i would really like to chat with you sometimes and see what happend would you like that?

(No, I would not like that, primarily because you sound like a creeper, but also... WHY DO THE MAJORITY OF THESE MEN FEEL THE NEED TO TYPE "LOLOL" IN THE MIDDLE OF SENTENCES?)

i live at home but rep non of the benefits

(I live at my home too, but my home does not include my parents, which is the point I think this gent was trying to make.  Sir, if confessing you still live with your parents is your opening line, I fear for you.)